LOVE IN THE TIME OF COVID
When perceiving danger, the most primal impulse of humans beings is to reach for the help of another human. Compassion and presence are the antidotes to fear, we all need to feel held and comforted.
This global shutdown raises both the stakes for and the strain on our closest relationships—including the one with ourselves.
Here are some frameworks that can help us use this time as an opportunity to support more love now as well as on our journeys moving forward as individuals, couples and community. With each of these the practices can be equally—if not more—effective with yourself as with others.
1. Be Generous and Messy : It is likely that given our close quarters and added stressors emotions will run higher, we may feel more agitated or critical of ourselves and others. It is so important that we make space to compassionately allow the feelings to flow. How can we be gentle with these aspects that are scariest to face or share? Let us be the one we all need so desperately and say to our loved ones and to ourselves—“you and all your you-ness belong here, I will love you in your wholeness, your experience is important.” If there is conflict resolve it quickly by not being too attached to your side and a willingness to ask instead “what is needed right now for there to be connection or peace?”
2. Create Refuge: To keep the balance, look for opportunities to recognize and express appreciation and gratitude. Take care to go on “dates” where the focus is connection and play and where you can still have new experiences. Most of us are using a lot of social media to interact now, to address the lack of physical contact include a sensory element to the interactions—take a FaceTime walk, a bathtub party, cook a meal together or share an online yoga class—be creative with your embodiment. If you do have folks with you at home, it can be helpful to schedule special time for alone and interpersonal connection in ways that are nourishing and replenishing. Spending just five minutes with focused attention on positive sensory sensation can have incredible effects on your brain and nervous system.
3. Same, Same but Different : We all have different responses to stress, some of us are more internal and some more external, some will want to snack all day long and others will loose their appetite. Everything we do serves a purpose and has an origin. If we can avoid reacting to our stress reaction or taking personally that of our loved ones it can save us so much additional suffering. If possible, try substituting judgment and comparison in favor of kindness and some curiosity—when in doubt—inquire.
4. Gently Strategize: One of the primary ways humans have found so much success as a species is our ability to collaborate and coordinate. Being part of a tribe or a team is essential to keep us feeling safe and being successful. There is a sacred ecosystem, a protective energetic bubble that surrounds each of us as well as our couple relationship. Coming up with an intentional approach for this time will help keep that bubble clean and functioning well. If possible create some daily rituals that help you stay connected to the intention. The unknown and uncertain are highlighted right now, so empower what is under your control and be strategic about what you fill your bubble with, what you let in and what you keep out.
5. Play the Long Game : Like all things, this moment too will end. How do you want to emerge on the other side? Are there ways this can help us grow individually and together? What would it take to feel good about how you moved through this? Be inspired and invited to reach out to those around you for support to make this happen.
I am also offering both individual and couples coaching sessions remotely on a sliding-scale basis during the home-stays. And there are two spots left in one of the online women’s groups, email me if you are interested in joining us.